Emotional Intelligence by Neharika Vohra

We had a wonderful session with Prof. NeharikaVohra, IIM Ahmedabad…’We need women who are so strong they can be gentle , so educated they can be humble , so fierce they can be compassionate , so passionate they can be rational , and so disciplined they can be free.’

We welcomed a great teacher, a friend, somebody who will helped us see a different dimension of intelligence , thrown upon us through her innovative insights , many unknown aspects of our lives .

The takeaways were nine strategies for promoting emotional intelligence-

1.  Taking the time for mindfulness.
2.  Understanding the causes of feelings (no feeling is without a cause )
3.  Differentiating between emotion and the need to take action
4.  Learn to be optimistic
5.  Managing anger through learned behavior or distraction techniques
6.  Electing on emotion mentor
7.  Learning to postpone an outburst
8.  Developing listening skills

Struggling to get rid of our emotions can be like playing tug of war with a monster. When you walk in to work place you are expected to leave your anger,jealousy, sadness at the gate and only passion for work is expected from you . But all are emotions if I bring my passion I also bring my anger, sadness and other emotions . We come with all the package.Sad, angry , jealous such emotions we all want to avoid. But why should these emotions be kept aside ? Because we are afraid of negative emotion, we are afraid of expressing them. But if you are happy there is smile on your face if you are sad it’s not. These are all natural emotions.

If I express my emotions I look stupid and I feel I am sign . It’s a sign of weakness and vulnerability. This kind of works we have only created for ourselves. If a child is angry we tell them there is no need of anger . We start this whole process . We start being hypocrite Fine,ok , alright , it doesn’t matter these words are not feelings they are judgment about how you feel .

Lovely overwhelmed such words are also not feeling it’s state . They are not your feelings

Feeing is very important. Many of us don’t have feelings. We learn to suppress them. We will build up on this. If there is no emotion there is no thought attached to it.People around work fail because they don’t have the ability to make relations at work place

Outburst controls you.

Just explained by giving an example like in our family If somebody says they will come at 8 back home and they don’t turn up you feel scared worried and anxious but we don’t say I was worried for you , we outburst our anger to them . That’s loading all your judgment to them

One should have the ability to deal with people in all shades of white and black . Try someone saying I was upset instead of saying you made me upset . Transferring the responsibility on other person to make yourself feel better is what we do .

Emotions are fundamental to our survival

Our belief divide us but our emotions unite us .

Every emotion has a cause if you are happy there is a cause and if you are sad there is a cause. Emotions predict behavior

Every time you can’t tell people what you feel it doesn’t work that way. But suppressing your emotion is not ok , expressing unedited is not ok displacing your emotion is not ok and ignoring it also is not ok : none of it really works . Feel it there is nothing wrong in it . We have always been taught to suppress and hide our feeling and we teach this to our children also which is not ok . When you feel it fully is when you allow yourself to feel it

Today emotionally intelligent is to have the capacity to give the pause, it’s to recognize that you will feel better when you express emotions in sub a way that both of you will feel better.